Monday, February 13, 2012

Abby ~ Part 2

I don't remember getting back to my room after the surgery ~ 

I do remember a nurse that I hadn't seen before asking if I wanted to see my daughter, and when I replied she was placed in my arms where she fit perfectly.  Abby was so small and light ~ and she fit absolutely perfectly! 

My daughter was resting in my arms and she will never know what it is like to be held by me.  My daughter, whom I love, will never know my kisses on her forehead or my touch. I would never hear her cry or her laugh.  I would not see her take her first steps or fall ~ see her eat her first birthday cake.  I would never get to know my daughter on this earth.

Our nurse took Abby after a little bit and gave her a bath.  I loved the way she smiled at Abby and took such good care of her. The images of that remain in my heart as such a touching moment, and yet, I would never get to give Abby a bath.  I wouldn't ever get to dress her, feed her or rock her to sleep.  There were so many things that I would never get ~ I would never live the dream that was my Abby. 

During that afternoon we had some family come by and a few friends.  We had a photographer come in from Now I lay me down to sleep ~ he was so respectful and took some amazing shots of Abby.  I am forever grateful to have those.  We held Abby and we spent the next few hours saying our good-byes.  

At about 6 that evening the nurse came and rolled my baby girl to the morgue....I thought my heart was broken forever.


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